How to deal with problems?
Video transcript: How to deal with problems?
Every person is faced with numerous problems in his life. I’d imagine that right now you could point out quite a good number of problems existing in your life. Some problems are more gentle, just annoying, and some problems feel so big that they pose a threat to your life in one way or another.
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Even before a problem actualizes its threat we already suffer badly from it just by the fact that that threat exists for us.
How to deal with problems?
the question is how to deal with problems in life? How to better react to them as they appear and better handle them?
The ways to approach the problem
We could talk about a practical response to the problem, or improving our psychological attitude to it, maybe add some relaxation tools like breathing to initiate in a calmer way the interaction with it.
These are all fine, and they are a valid answer to this question. But there is a much more transformative and liberating answer to that question, where we don’t just deal with problems, we transcend them; we transcend the whole concept of problems.
Sounds imaginary or a waste of your time? Let me assure you, it is entirely possible to do it, and the consequences are much more far-reaching then just dealing with whichever problem you may have. it holds the key to living a life of unconditional peace and joy. Again sounds imaginary? Not only is that life possible, it is also your natural state. it could be your reality right now; you just have to realize that it is.
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Let’s dig into it.
Are there really problems? What is a problem?
First question we need to ask, are there really problems objectively? What is really a problem? Do problems exist ‘out there’ in the form of situations, or do they become a problem in our head?
Is there a problem if you don’t call it a problem?
Let’s say it like this: would a situation you had continue to be a problem if you didn’t call it a problem? Let’s say your girlfriend left you. Is that a bad thing? Is that a problem? Normally, this would cause you suffering and you would certainly label it a problem.
What is causing us suffering? What is making the problem a problem?
What is actually causing you suffering here? What is making it a problem? By itself it’s just an occurrence. Jane decided to end the relationship with john. The definition we give it in our mind causes us suffering. It’s attached to a negative interpretation which creates pain and a threat of more pain.
What if you didn’t have that interpretation? What if you didn’t call it a problem?
Now what if for some strange reason you wouldn’t consider that occurrence negative, you wouldn’t call it a problem. What if I had a magical machine and it would simply take away from your head the ability to call this occurrence a problem or something negative. Would it still be a problem? Would it still be a source of suffering?
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I’m not talking about what’s the ‘right’ reaction or what others around you might think. You in that situation have not the ability to call it a problem is it still one? Does it still cause you suffering?
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Obviously not, right?
Conclusion: you have problem because you either remember the problem or call it a problem
What does it tell you? That the reason you have a problem and suffer over it is not because of the external situation but because of your interpretation.
You may say "that it’s all fine and dandy, but that is my interpretation!" We’ll get to that. First let’s just understand the rules of the game of problems and suffering and what cause them.
You suffer because you label a situation as a problem, or more accurately, your mind labels a situation as a problem, and you believe it. In fact, it has nothing to do with the situation. The situation is just something that happens in the world. it becomes a problem only in your head.
The memory eraser machine
Now let’s take another angle.
Your girlfriend left you and you’re very sad.
And again, I brought in a magical device. This time I erased your memory of this situation. Not just the interpretation, the whole thing.
A moment ago you were sitting in the living room crying and hurting, and now I touched your head with my magic wand, and you forgot about it altogether.
Are you still suffering over it?
Obviously not. How can you? You don’t remember it.
Getting up in the morning with all the troubles you have
Let’s take even one step further. Some people wake up in the morning, and an avalanche of their problems fall on them.
Do you know the situation? Terrible, right?
Imagine you wake up in the morning and miraculously, again my machine, and you do not remember the totality of your problems. They are simply forgotten from your head.
How are you then? Just well, right?
Conclusion: the reason you suffer is not because of the external situation, it’s because you either remember the problem or call it a problem
The conclusion is that you suffer because you either believe the negative interpretation of the mind of a certain situation or you remember it. The situation has nothing to do with it. Remove either the memory or the interpretation of the situation and there is no more problem or suffering. It needs you to call it that way and sustain it in your head.
Conclusion: your suffering is not generated outside of you, it is inside you, in your mind
The conclusion here is not even spiritual, it is common sense: your suffering is not generated outside of you, it is inside you, in your mind.
The simple equation of freedom and wellbeing
You could even say that this explanation is mathematical so logical it is. There is the simplest equation I call the equation of freedom and wellbeing. Please listen carefully as this is the secret to move from a life in hell to a live in heaven, today.
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you + thought = suffering
you + 0 (meaning no thought) = wellbeing.
You = well being.
Two ways to not have the thought: forget it and disbelieve it
There are two ways to not have a thought, either it’s just not there by your efforts or by itself, or you disbelieve it. The former is possible, but it’s not the right way and often artificial. Freedom and unbroken wellbeing are attained when you disbelieve the thought.
How to disbelieve the mind?
How to disbelieve a thought and the mind?
it is doable. It is a function of an insight of your deeper intelligence. It happens when you realize that the message presented to you by the mind isn’t the truth, it’s not even needed. The thought can be there, and it just as well can not be there. Life and yourself are perfect and untouched either way. You realize that it’s entirely optional, and it brings so much pain. You realize that you have the choice if to think the thought or not, if to grant it reality or not. It doesn’t exist by itself. It needs you believing, agreeing and sustaining it.
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you realize something quite amazing: thoughts are not the medium through which to relate to life. It most certainly was till this moment, but it does need to be. It is entirely your decision. It is your reality because and as long as you believe it to be that way.
How to practically disbelieve the mind?
How to do it practically? it is an insight, so it could happen right now. You don’t need to change or reach anything; you just need the coin to drop. When you see things as they are you simply discover an earth shattering fact: you live in a quiet world. When I realized it myself over 20 years ago, years of tormenting anxiety attacks lost their sway entirely.
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However, you can’t force this realization, as truthful and self-evident as it may be. What you can do is create the optimal conditions for that insight to arrive.
There’s a step by step way
There is a step by step way to do it. It starts with acknowledging the problem and then methodically disentangling your essence from the mind and gain distance from it. This process reaches its peak when you meet that silence, that presence which you are as your true identity. At this stage you’re already in a way different place on all levels, but you still might believe the messages of the mind, you still might believe in the mind, and there’s no freedom until you disbelieve it.
Last step: invalidating the unit of thought and showing the contrast
Then you reach the final show down.
You don’t just disidentify from the mind or establish yourself beyond and away from it, you go back right to where it lives to replace it - you go back to challenge the validity of the unit of thought, because the mind, if you’ll notice is nothing but one thought, and you put an experiential spotlight on the fact that a thought is essentially optional, it could be there and it could also not be there, while your own presence is always there, as is the presence of life, the now.
the contrast between these two parts of your existence, the mental one with all its movements of thoughts, emotions, perceptions, memories, projections and interpretations, and the silence, still one which never changes, the untouched host, shows you what is real and what isn’t real.
Seeing the real as real and unreal as unreal, realizing you live in a quiet world and all is well
To see the real as real and the unreal as unreal is the definition of freedom. What you realize is the simplest thing: that you live in a quiet world devoid of any mental movement. And you realize the most fundamental characteristic of that reality which is your natural state - all is well.
When you realize it’s quiet there can be no problems. It needs a sound
When you truly realize your world and yourself is quiet, truly and fundamentally quiet, there can be no problems, no suffering. Problems and suffering need sound, need a sentence that you believe in, need a thought to exist. If you disbelieve the sound machine inside you, when you realize it is not a carrier of truth but simply indeed a sentence spoken, or not, inside you.
You realize that you have no problems and never had. All you have is this glorious space of silence, completely non-special on one hand, and yet so precious, beautiful and saturated with joy and peace.
Conclusion
The solution to problems is to understand they are unreal and never were.
So the real answer to how to deal with problems is to understand in the deepest way they are not real and never were; to discover that they are nothing other then a sentence in your head, and do not exist other then through you believing them.
The reward is far, far greater than solving a problem. Though it is your natural state, it is also a condition of heaven, everyday splendid heaven.